Monthly Archives: March 2011

what am i?

You know, I’ve had many titles or roles in my life.  I’ve got a few now.  Child of God.  Husband.  Daddy.  Son.  Friend.  Worship Pastor.  Singer.  Homeowner (too many homes right now!).

There are titles that have been true and may still sorta be true.  Trumpeter.  Blogger.  God Seeker.  Gym rat.  Student.  Orchestra Director.

This weekend someone referred to me as a trumpeter.  Sometimes I dream about playing but it’s not really true anymore.  It’s been years since I played.

For three years, I was a pretty consistently a blogger.  People knew that I was going to write about it.  Whatever “it” was, I “was” going to write about it. There would probably be a picture or video with it.  Some people wanted to be in the blog, others didn’t.  Sonya made sure I knew what wasn’t blogable.  And with good reason.  TMI is my curse.  But I loved it.  When God spoke, I shared.  When good things happened, I shared.  When bad things happened, I shared.  When our kids did something, I bragged.  When I was angry, I vented.  But now…I don’t know.

I’ve lost the motivation.  I still have the inclination.  But when it comes time to write, I just sit for a moment.  Think of all the things I need to be doing instead and move on.  I’m having a hard time getting up in the morning and working out.  Even though I know it reduces my stress level immensely.  I don’t tweet or Facebook as much.  Maybe I’m changing.  Maybe my priorities are changing.  I don’t know.  But I’m asking.

God, what am I?  Not the larger questions.  I am God’s child.  I am Sonya’s husband.  Father of 5 (soon to be 6).  Worshipper.  Worship Pastor.  Etc.

But how do I reach people?  How do I relate to my kids?  My wife?  Do I reach people on the internet?  Over lunch?  Both?  What is truly important?  Is this a ‘crisis’?  Naaa.  Probably not.  Most likely a refocusing.  Where will I be focused when it’s over?  I don’t know.  I’ll let you know when I know.  Until then, I’ll post some.  When I feel like it.  When I feel like I have something to say.

Thanks for “listening”.  I needed to vent.

Brian

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the most beautiful flower girl

That’s my girl?

Brian