Category Archives: b.rizzle – being real

it all happened so fast

I was having such a hard time today remembering what happened when.  Then, it hit me how much has happened in the last two weeks.  Two weeks ago, as far as we knew, this was a normal pregnancy.  We were talking about names for boys and girls.  People were rooting for a brother for Brotey.  Now, I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting for Sonya’s D&C to get under way while Oprah is on the TV.  It all happened so fast.  The first ultrasound.  The second that confirmed the worst.  The emergency room.  The recovery.  And now, the procedure.  And we found out about that at noon today.  It all happened so fast.

But I’m reminded of the words of God in Psalm 63.  I reread them this morning:

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:5-8

“In the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.” What words. What encouragement. In the safety of God’s protection, I will sing for joy.  And I will worship.  I have been so challenged and encouraged by the worship of Job and Habakkuk.

Habakkuk shows us how to worship in trials in the final verses of his book:

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

It’s “easy” to worship when things are good.  But what about when there is no food?  When your isolated?  When your possessions and the things that make you feel secure are gone?  Will you worship then?  Yes!!!!!  God is our salvation.  Our strength.  He strengthens and sustains us.  He lifts us up.  And when we seek Him through the trial, we know Him oh so much more.

Then there’s Job.  If any one had a reason to be upset with God, Job did.  If anyone had reason to turn his back on God, Job did.  God allowed Satan to take all of his live stock, most of his servants, and all of his children.  One tragedy was weather related and another was actually described as an act of God.  There was no thinking this was an accident or a plan of men.  Job had reason to be mad at God.  But instead, here’s what he did:

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Job 1:20-21

He humbled himself even more, getting even lower in God’s presence, acknowledged God’s sovereignty, and worshiped the God he trusted fully.  Read all the chapters following and you see Job restored.  Not quickly, but eventually.  And God has been glorified through the telling of Job’s story for thousands of years.  Believers have been strengthened and encouraged.

Why do these things happen?  What is the purpose?  I don’t know.  But Sonya and I trust fully in the Lord our God.  He is sovereign.  He is holy and loving and works all things for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

We’ve already seen some good.  We’re closer to Him.  We’ve received love from His body.  We’ve seen Him at work in the doctor’s office, the ER, and even in surgery pre-admitting.  We will look for opportunities to share our story when it will identify with and encourage others and glorify God.  And maybe our story will glorify God for many years.  That’s our prayer.

Brian

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let the waters rise

Thanks, Jamie, for reminding me of this song.

Brian


when the journey gets rough

Boy, the journey has been rough lately.  If I happen to still have some followers of GodSeeker who aren’t personal friends I should let you know that we had our first miscarriage last week.  We have been incredibly blessed to have had 5 pregnancies and 5 healthy births until now.  I’m sure that’s way ahead of the world average.  This time God’s will was different.  But why?

I’m sure He’s heard that question before.  And the usual answers don’t really seem to satisfy: “His ways are not our ways.  His thoughts are higher than ours.”  “God has a purpose.”  “He works all things together for our good.”  Yes, all very biblical.  Very true.  Very appreciated.  But still leaves you lacking.  Still leaves you asking.  “What is the purpose?”

I still don’t know the answer but I know what God has been teaching me long before this happened.  A few weeks ago, when our second house deal was hitting the skids (we still own a house in Alabama) God put me in the area of the late Psalm 50’s and early 60’s.  Psalms written by David out of his personal struggle with God’s will.  His struggle with those around him.  When friends and family and even his own plans failed, David wrote the words that God was speaking to me then, and is speaking now:

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

Psalm 56: 3-4, 9b-11a

It’s funny, while we’ve never questioned God’s plan for us, others have.  Why would He take us all the way to Missouri.  Of course, our kids are still struggling.  God answers from Psalm 57:

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.

Psalm 57:3

I have the date 4/5/11 written by that one with an asterisk. While he was hiding from Saul in a cave, David believed that God was fulfilling His purpose for him.  He even praised God from that situation.  You need to read it for yourself.  Good stuff.

My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast!  I will sing and make melody!

Psalm 57:7

He sings of God’s faithfulness, before the deliverance.  Challenged me big time.

Monday, 4/4/11, an ultrasound showed some major problems.  No answers.  The only thing we could do is come back a week later and see if there had been any improvement.  We didn’t make it that far.  Friday afternoon, it was apparent that our child would not make it to see this world.  By Saturday morning, that was certain. For once in my life, I will spare you the TMI of the situation.  So what do you do?  What do you think?

I don’t know how to describe the feelings.  But I know this, and I already knew it then, my God is for me.  And my God had already been preparing us.  Psalm 61 was my reading on Friday:

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against my enemy.

Psalm 61:2a-3

Yesterday and today, 62 and 63:

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. 62:1-2

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. 62:5-8

Waiting in silence.  That sure really seems to describe a lot of what we did.  But I thank God that He was there for us.  With us.  His our rock.  Our refuge.  His hands and feet were all around us.  Keeping our kids.  Sitting with me early the next morning while Sonya was in ultrasound.  Visiting us.  Texting us.  Admitting us into the ER (LOVE the staff at SEMO Hospital).  Buying me a pack of M&Ms.  Caring for my precious wife.  Feeding us.  Oh, feeding us.  I think God’s love will help me gain 5 or more pounds over the next 2 weeks.  Love, gladly recieved.

For the calls, texts, and prayers from Gadsden.  We thank you.  We love you all so much.

For all you’ve done and continue to do Lynwood, we are eternally grateful.  You have become our family in so many ways and your love means so much to us.  Thank you.  Thank you.  We love you so much and we are so blessed to be a part of the family of Christ here.

I hope this all made sense.  Feels like more of an “unorganized unloading.”  There is so much more to say but I am out of time and my mind has not organized it yet.  Maybe more tomorrow.

Brian


what am i?

You know, I’ve had many titles or roles in my life.  I’ve got a few now.  Child of God.  Husband.  Daddy.  Son.  Friend.  Worship Pastor.  Singer.  Homeowner (too many homes right now!).

There are titles that have been true and may still sorta be true.  Trumpeter.  Blogger.  God Seeker.  Gym rat.  Student.  Orchestra Director.

This weekend someone referred to me as a trumpeter.  Sometimes I dream about playing but it’s not really true anymore.  It’s been years since I played.

For three years, I was a pretty consistently a blogger.  People knew that I was going to write about it.  Whatever “it” was, I “was” going to write about it. There would probably be a picture or video with it.  Some people wanted to be in the blog, others didn’t.  Sonya made sure I knew what wasn’t blogable.  And with good reason.  TMI is my curse.  But I loved it.  When God spoke, I shared.  When good things happened, I shared.  When bad things happened, I shared.  When our kids did something, I bragged.  When I was angry, I vented.  But now…I don’t know.

I’ve lost the motivation.  I still have the inclination.  But when it comes time to write, I just sit for a moment.  Think of all the things I need to be doing instead and move on.  I’m having a hard time getting up in the morning and working out.  Even though I know it reduces my stress level immensely.  I don’t tweet or Facebook as much.  Maybe I’m changing.  Maybe my priorities are changing.  I don’t know.  But I’m asking.

God, what am I?  Not the larger questions.  I am God’s child.  I am Sonya’s husband.  Father of 5 (soon to be 6).  Worshipper.  Worship Pastor.  Etc.

But how do I reach people?  How do I relate to my kids?  My wife?  Do I reach people on the internet?  Over lunch?  Both?  What is truly important?  Is this a ‘crisis’?  Naaa.  Probably not.  Most likely a refocusing.  Where will I be focused when it’s over?  I don’t know.  I’ll let you know when I know.  Until then, I’ll post some.  When I feel like it.  When I feel like I have something to say.

Thanks for “listening”.  I needed to vent.

Brian


no pain, no gain

Ran the Lynwood 5k today.  Posted a respectable time for someone who hasn’t run consistently for quite some time while eating like there’s no tomorrow.  Got beat by several ladies and kids.  God always keeps me humble.

You may notice that Victoria has a medal around her neck.  She placed third in the 1k Kids Dash in her age division.  She rocks.

Brian


I wouldn’t be me if…

I didn’t wish you a “Happy Star Wars Day!”

Do you think Beethoven is intimidated by Yoda?

Now, here it comes.  Get ready.  Plug your ears.  Prepare to vomit……….

May the 4th be with you.

Brian


random last half of week in review

Didn’t know what else to call this.

On Wednesday, the girls met the dogs.  They gave the dogs some interesting names based on the bodily functions they displayed as we walked.  For once, I will spare you the details,

On Thursday, Brotey joined us only one dog.  Now they call them Hachi and Scratchy.  I’m so proud of our kids.  They got up at 5:30 a.m., spent time in the Word, then walked with me as we discussed that and all kinds of things.

Today, same thing.  No dogs.  I let them jump in the pool for the first time this season (video coming later) and Kate sported a great yogurt mustache.  It has been a great day.

Side note, food never tastes better than when you’re coming off of a fast.  Praising God for the sense of taste.

Brian